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When my mother graduated from high school, her career choices included: teacher, nurse or secretary. How far we have come since those days! Girls today are told they can be whatever they want to be. Children's books showcase women truck drivers and construction workers and male nurses. Women have risen to the highest positions in many fields - CEOs, academic deans, physicians, even, almost, president. They have worked hard to prove themselves not just equal but better than their male counterparts. We have "taken our daughters (and now children) to work," and attended workshops and camps just for women on science and engineering.

My mother became a teacher and then a principal. She was my role model, and I knew that women could work and make a difference in the world. I was also told I could be anything I wanted to be. I was good at math and science. I excelled as an engineer in undergrad and graduated summa cum laude with aspirations for graduate school. Grad school brought hard work but also excitement about diving deeper into chemistry, physics, and math. On the hard days I would give myself an out: "If there is ever a week that goes by that I am not excited about something I am learning, I will quit." That week never arrived. I graduated with my PhD in Chemical Engineering after 4½ years.

One of those years was spent away from my new husband, Darrell. He landed an academic job as an assistant professor in Chemical Engineering at Penn State. I spent that year trying to figure out what was next for me. He was so supportive and pushed me to do all that I could do.

I took a visiting professor position at Bucknell University, a teaching university 80 minutes away from my home with Darrell. It was a great job. I found community and friendship, support and challenge. And then we decided to start a family, and I became pregnant. I was 30 years old. What now?

Honestly, the decision was easy. I stayed home with my first daughter Lauren. I did struggle to watch Darrell continue his successful career while I rocked and fed and changed Lauren. But then there was the community. A community of women all trying to raise the best children we could. Our advanced degrees propelled us to investigate the best car seats, healthiest snacks, and best music classes. One day the circus came to town and I took Lauren to the parking lot to see the animals. Zebras, elephants and tigers were right in front of us (behind the fence). With her in my backpack I knew I had arrived. This is why I stayed home.

When Lauren was 18 months old, I met with my post-doc advisor, a man who always looked out for me, about part-time work. Between the time I scheduled that meeting and the actual meeting date, I found out I was pregnant. "Not again!" was his response. He was disappointed that my academic work would be put on hold again because he believed in me. I was not upset about missing work again -- my mind was more concerned about figuring out how I could possibly love another child as much as I loved Lauren. I wasn't thinking about pursuing my career that day.

Now my girls are 4 and 6. Lauren is in kindergarten, and Sabrina stays in pre-school 20 hours a week. They love their friends and their teachers and are learning and growing in so many ways. While they are in school, I teach a course at Penn State in environmental engineering, working 18 hours a week. It is a great job for me. Every day I learn something new and feel energized by it. I still have time to be an active member of my church, be a lunch helper, plan play dates with my kid's friends (and their moms), carpool the kids around to their activities, pack their lunches, run with friends, have friends over for dinner, and have time for coffee and lunch with Darrell.

While teaching my class, I came face to face with the global challenge of water and sanitation. Over 2 million people die every year from drinking unclean water, most of them children. I have developed a passion for bringing clean water to the poor and disadvantaged of this world. I want to do research again. I think I have something important to bring to the research table...but I don't know how to make it work.

How do I do research at a R1 university and still have time for my kids and my life? I know that somewhere, somehow, women are doing this. I could have my kids in school from 8 - 5:30. We could eat out more. I could work after the kids are in bed. I would be a role model for my girls - they would see that women can make a difference in the working world. But would that stop me from making a difference in their world?

I know I am not alone with these questions. I have spoken to other female grad students here at Penn State that see what it takes to teach and do research as an academic. Many of them are concerned about how they will balance life and family. They worry that if they wait to have children until after getting tenure that they will be considered a high-risk pregnancy. So, many of them find part time work in industry. They teach a class or two at a university. Or they decide to stay home completely. Or maybe, like me, they would love to bring their passion and knowledge together to solve the problems of the world but are afraid that they will miss out on too much. And so the world of academia misses out on them.

And in the ivory tower they wonder where all the women have gone. Why is the pipeline so leaky? Why have women not made it to the top positions in academia? The reason, they have finally determined, is that they are, in fact, women. And, although women are smart and can do math and science and can work hard, they, still, are the ones to birth the child. Although anyone can feed a baby a bottle, someone has to be in charge of the child. Even if the child is in childcare, someone has to choose the best childcare for their children, what the child will wear, what they will eat, what activities they will be in. Someone has to worry about them when they get sick or get hurt, physically or emotionally. And that takes time... a lot of time.

There are women married to wonderful men who have taken on half or even more of the responsibilities of raising the children. There are men who drop off and pick up from school. There are men who are "soccer dads" and take kids to the doctor's office. These men have had to sacrifice their career as well. And that is a wonderful, viable, option.

SO, how will I do it? How will I chart my own future? I will create a new paradigm for myself. I will continue to teach classes and participate in research so that my ideas, my passions and my enthusiasm can be passed down to the next generation. I hope that my research will change the way that people live. But I will only do it part time. I am choosing part time because I want to be the first one that my kids see when they get home from school. I want to be their advocate in the schools and in their activities. I want to know them and their friends because all too soon they will be gone.

When I do it I will show other women that they can do it too. There was a time when women were limited to certain career choices and not all women were free to be all that they could be. And now some of us in academia are ready for a new paradigm shift. Many of us have felt confined in an academic position working 50 to 60 hours a week, while some of us have felt confined staying home while the academic world misses out on all we have to offer. When the paradigm shifts again both sides of women's work will be truly valued and then we will be truly free.